CAVEAT DVMPTRVCK

Caveat: FTS RIP

You might be surprised to learn that my toilet seat had a name. I say "had" because it died this morning.

It was a fraught relationship, anyway.

The toilet seat was a bit out of adjustment - perhaps it wasn't quite the right dimensions for the toilet. So the seat part would never quite stay up properly, the way a male has been trained to hope for. Thus it was that my brother, when visiting in 2013, dubbed it, in the most politically incorrect way imaginable, "the Feminist Toilet Seat" - because it always wanted to put the seat down. Hence "FTS."

At some point after he left, however, one day, I was frustrated with how it never stayed up quite right, or would fall down just at the most inopportune moment. I snapped it up more vigorously than it could tolerate, and broke one of the plastic hinge attachments.

This had a good result, however. After that, the seat stayed up just fine. Sitting on the seat, on the other hand, became more complicated. It had a tendency to lurch sideways if my weight wasn't properly centered on it. That could be alarming, as you might imagine. 

So at some point in 2015 I added "toilet seat, 40cm x 36 cm" to my little shopping list that I keep on my phone, where, in my typical gnomic fashion, in fact I called it "toilseat."

For the last 2 years, I didn't buy a new toilet seat. Because although it was a bit annoying, it was always an annoyance that was quite transient. This morning, snapping it up in that way that exploited the broken hinge, however, I broke the other hinge. And thus it died. The FTS traveled quickly to the trash.

I walked over to the Home Plus store and bought a new one for ₩12,900 (eleven bucks - made in Vietnam), and installed it with zero problems. I wonder why I didn't do that sooner? 

[daily log: walking, 3km]

Caveat: Random Poem #64

I brought him home to wash him clean.
The Rainbow Monkey dries.
He's cleaner than he was before.
But still he's not so wise.

Caveat: let's celebrate end-of-semester government-mandated close-all-the-hagwon day

I have a little holiday, today. It's the "end-of-semester government-mandated close-all-the-hagwons day."

As I often do when I get days off from work, I find myself being extremely lazy. I guess that's OK, but the consequence is that I don't even have anything interesting to post on this here blog thingy. 

I keep posting just because some people use the blog to see if I'm doing OK. So here I am, doing OK.

More later.

[daily log: walking, 2km]

Caveat: Random Poem #63

I dreamed a place beside a blue pool:
stained like copper, bare stone shores.
How could I get there?
I drew maps.
Slept.

Caveat: 家和萬事成

I learned this aphorism from the Shamanism Museum on Friday.

가화만사성 (家和萬事成)
ga.hwa.man.sa.seong
home-harmonious-everything-achieve
A happy home can achieve anything.

It was on a sign board on an outside wall (picture at right).

The most notable thing at the museum, to me, was the extreme similarity and parallelism between these shamanistic accouterments and images and those I normally associate with Korean Buddhism. I suppose 1500 years of coexistence has led to extensive syncretism on both sides.

So I took some other pictures at the Shamanism museum.

There were some exhibits.

There were various rooms.

There were token examples of Nepalese and Tibeten shaman costumes, perhaps to justify the name "Museum of Shamanism" as opposed to "Museum of Korean Shamanism."

There were stylistic pseudo-Chinese decorative objects.

There was a tranquil-looking back room.

The museum's location is in a newly developed neighborhood of typical Korean highrises, but the building itself is a historical site of some deified ancestor.

[daily log: walking... uh, nope.]

Caveat: Random Poem #62

The weather is warm.
People are screaming outside.
Maybe they're happy.

[daily log: walking, 1km]

Caveat: Random Poem #61

Some clouds disputed with the ground and trees.
The earth kept forcing its branches skyward;
the sky in turn was throwing down droplets.
My friend and I were waiting; so we talked.
I sat and pulled out from my pocket, then,
my smartphone, checking something. Suddenly
a splash of rain struck the screen. Like magic,
the dictionary app was opened. "Look,"
my friend insisted, "there's your next poem."

Caveat: subway2

I met my friend Peter this morning at Gupabal (구파발) to go to the shamanism museum (which we tried to visit a few weeks ago but it was closed). This time it was open and we went, though the founder/main proprietor wasn't there, which I think disappointed Peter a little bit, since he'd met him before and had been impressed by him.

I'll write more about the museum later, and maybe post some pictures or something, but for now, lacking time, I'll just comment that afterward, Peter and I decided to have a quick lunch. We went into a Subway sandwich chain shop. These shops are not just ubiquitous in the US, but are becoming increasingly ubiquitous in Korea as well - there's even one across the street from Karma.

Peter was very surprised when I announced that in fact this was the very first time I had visited a Subway restaurant in Korea. I don't visit American brand fast food very often in Korea - I've only visited McDonalds twice, that I can recall, in the 10 years I've been here. So not even before I got the mouth cancer. And now there is even less reason to visit those types of places. It was fine to eat there, though sandwiches are bit challenging to eat for me, being a bit too dry and requiring a lot of tongue-gymnastics to bite off and chew, if you think about it. Not my strong points, these days. But I managed fine - I can manage anything, these days, in fact. 

So if visiting a Korean Subway sandwich shop was on my bucket list, it's taken care of now. After that, Peter went to his work and I went home. On the subway.

[daily log: walking, 8.5km]

Caveat: Random Poem #60

A cup on the edge
of the counter. I'll wash it
later this evening.

Caveat: Destiny

Andy is a fifth grader who is in an Honors cohort otherwise made up of sixth graders, because of his high ability. It was a bit problematic placing him there, because he ended up in the same class with his older sister, Julie. I suspect the direct competition isn't helping the younger boy.

Last night, we took a month-end speaking test. Julie scored 99%. Andy, on the other hand, only managed 71%. Their ability levels are similar and normally they score similarly. Andy moaned and made a sad expression. "It is my destiny!" he exclaimed.

"In Karma, it is your destiny," his older sister intoned, with mock seriousness. On the one hand, I think they were imitating the famous Darth Vader line, "It is your destiny." But I realized they both are also probably quite aware that one possible meaning of "Karma" is in fact "destiny" - certainly the fine semantic differences between them is lost, since both words are often translated 운명 [unmyeong] in Korean. I suspect they have a running joke between them. 

[daily log: walking, 7km]

 

Caveat: Random Poem #59

It's better to refuse an argument
with shadows and shades. They can seem to lack
originality and anyway
they will agree with all your rhetoric.

Caveat: contra el dorado pájaro latente

Penumbra

Nunca podrás ver nada claramente:
todo es zarzal, espinas y maraña.
En vano gastarás toda tu maña
contra el dorado pájaro latente.

Errado el tiro, vuelves bruscamente
el arma hacia otro lado, mas te engaña
la jugada de sol que el árbol baña.
Te vuelves loco y lloras tristemente.

Todo del tonel sale de la vida
tosco, deforme y dando tropezones.
Dejas pasar los años y su herida,

y cuando quieras darte explicaciones
ni te sirvió la espuela ni la brida:
un pétalo fue más que tus razones.

- Baldomero Fernández Moreno (poeta argentino, 1886-1950)

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Random Poem #58

Korea's been my home almost ten years
and here I never drive a car. Yet still
I dream the driving dreams: road trips of youth
relived like films, a night or two each month.

Caveat: Latter Day Parking Lots

The Mormon church that has been under construction in my neighborhood is nearing completion - I've commented on it before, partly because I'd developed a kind of special feeling or affinity for the vacant lot (so rare in Ilsan) that had previously occupied the space for most of the years I've been here. 

I guess the architecture is solidly Mormonesque - whatever that is, although I do believe there is, at least, an identifiable (post hoc) Mormon architectural style. What was more depressing was that half of the lot is given over to an at-grade parking lot.

Believe it or not, I've contemplated the cultural semiotics of Mormon parking lots before. This may be partly due to having grown up across the street from the local Mormon church, and thus for me, as a child, the concepts of expansive parking lots and Mormonism became deeply intertwined. For me, as a child, the Mormon church's parking lot was simply the parking lot. It became the archetype of an American sort of over-engineered, low density, space-wasting, parking-in-front approach to parking.

I had imagined that local Korean building codes would preclude the construction of such a parking lot for this church. Apparently, I was naive. 

It's not that Koreans don't build low density parking lots. It's that in my experience, if Koreans build an at-grade, open space parking lot (as opposed to a high density parking structure), these constructions seem to be, inevitably, fairly contingent, strictly temporary affairs. If they have a vacant lot, by all means, slap down some asphalt, paint some lines, put up an attendant's booth, and charge money to park there. These can be found all over Ilsan, in fact, as well as the rest of Seoul. Perhaps that was partly why I was so surprised that the vacant lot where this new church has been built remained simply vacant for so long.

As I said, however, these low-density parking lots are not, normally, viewed as particularly major undertakings, and they lack any feeling of permanence. There are several in Ilsan that are not even properly paved - they're just gravel. I kind of intuit that the expectation is that eventually the lot will get built with something, with the inevitable multi-level parking structure integrated into the new building.

But these Mormons - they've created a parking lot in the boldest of North American, low density, highly engineered traditions. There are little rows of trees, there are elaborate curbs and bays, there is even the modern "permeable parking lot" concept whereby grass can grow between the gaps and water can drain down - thus preventing the loss of so much rainfall for the groundwater. These are all things that seem so utterly American to me, and quite alien to the way Koreans approach parking in my experience. 

Not only that, there's a giant fence completely enclosing it. Most Korean parking lots are quite pedestrian-friendly - I cut across or through both open low-density lots and parking ramps all the time, as I walk from one place to another. 

What does it mean that Mormon churches always have such substantial and, more interestingly, prominently visible parking lots? Partly, it's about the fact of being a wealthy but most definitely minority religion. Their churches thus have to draw from a widely dispersed community, where most members might be coming from quite some distance away. Thus, they all have cars and they all need a place to park. But it's also a kind of declaration of suburban American values. I can't say I'm scandalized, but a part of me had expected something different of Mormons in the Korean context. I gather I was mistaken.

Anyway, I hope they enjoy parking their cars.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Random Poem #57

The storm's bland aftermath dissolved and stained
the air so that it tasted like burnt wire
or moistened stones. At last, a lingering
tomato-tinted twilight grasped the streets.

Caveat: Stick with it

Mildly entertaining... 

"An Ode to Love" by Brown Bag Films.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Random Poem #56

The clouds became a fortress hung
against the rainy sky
The buildings lurked beneath, alone
like animals too shy.

Caveat: 호우경보

Several times a week, it seems, the helpful Korean government authorities send little text message advisories to my phone. Most of these seem to have little relevance to my day-to-day existence: I get warnings about remote bird flu outbreaks or rural landslides or what have you. But I enjoy the opportunity to work out the meanings of these fragments of "found Korean."

This morning, I received this message:

[국민안전처] 오늘 08시20분 경기(고양,파주) 호우경보, 산사태ㆍ상습침수 등 위험지역 대피, 외출자제 등 안전에 주의바랍니다

Given the stunningly aggressive thunderstorm taking place outside my window, I had a suspicion as to its meaning already. The sky was dark like twilight, there was lightening and pouring rain. Not just more of the same old monsoon, this was hardcore weather.

Sure enough, the message says, roughly:

"[National Safety Service] Today 8:20 AM, Gyeonggi Province (Goyang, Paju) Storm Warning, please evacuate landslide or flood-prone areas and exercise caution when going out."

I felt pleased with the lack of difficulty I experienced in making sense of this message.

And that's your Korean for the day. Happy stormy Sunday.

[daily log: walking, maybe not]

Caveat: Random Poem #55

Some words come like air,
others like sleep. Steam rises
from July's pavement.

[daily log: walking, 7.5km]

Caveat: Random Poem #54

Apocalypses come and go
like swathes of summer rain
They sweep across the warm, damp streets
and push leaves down the drain.

Caveat: I can read you like a banana

Today in my "CC" listening class, we were listening to the American pop song "Blank Space," by Taylor Swift. The students' job is to listen to the song (line by line and over and over, if necessary), and fill in a cloze version of the lyrics (i.e. words missing). So we were filling in the blank spaces in the song "Blank Space.

One student, Kevin, when confronted with the line "I can read you like a magazine," decided, confidently, that it was "I can read you like a banana." For whatever reason, I started trying to explain how this might work. I held up an imaginary banana, and pretended to "read" it. I looked at Kevin, and tried to "read" him in the same way. The students understood the absurdity of the interpretation. Anyway, I found it entertaining, as often happens with absurdity.

What I'm listening to right now.

Taylor Swift, "Blank Space."

Lyrics.

Nice to meet you, where you been?
I could show you incredible things
Magic, madness, heaven, sin
Saw you there and I thought
Oh my God, look at that face
You look like my next mistake
Love's a game, wanna play?

New money, suit and tie
I can read you like a magazine
Ain't it funny, rumors fly
And I know you heard about me
So hey, let's be friends
I'm dying to see how this one ends
Grab your passport and my hand
I can make the bad guys good for a weekend

So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game

'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space, baby
And I'll write your name

Cherry lips, crystal skies
I could show you incredible things
Stolen kisses, pretty lies
You're the King, baby, I'm your Queen
Find out what you want
Be that girl for a month
Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh no

Screaming, crying, perfect storms
I can make all the tables turn
Rose garden filled with thorns
Keep you second guessing like
"Oh my God, who is she?"
I get drunk on jealousy
But you'll come back each time you leave
'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game

'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space, baby
And I'll write your name

Boys only want love if it's torture
Don't say I didn't say, I didn't warn ya
Boys only want love if it's torture
Don't say I didn't say, I didn't warn ya

So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game

'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space, baby
And I'll write your name

[daily log: walking, 5km]

Caveat: Random Poem #53

At work, I sometimes get so angry.
This tends to arise out of doubts:
the quality of my work.
Am I making progress?
Students fail to learn.
Colleagues don't care.
Kids complain.
I can't
help.

Caveat: Just Zombying Around

It's hard to get motivated when the weather is hot and humid and the air conditioning in my apartment is quite useless.

Therefore I am just kind of zombying around until I can go cool off at work.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Random Poem #52

If I had said the rock was mystified
what would have been my meaning? Would a rock
have hoped to understand what I had said?
Or would the rock just lie there, doing zen?

Caveat: So

I've been facing some challenges with my current curriculum set-up with my middle-schoolers, because the newly re-arranged cohorts of middle school students have a wider diversity of ability levels. Thus, my traditional Speaking/Writing/Listening classes on the TOEFL-prep style don't entirely "work" - the lower ability levels in the classes are frankly not quite able to take on the productive tasks (Speaking and Writing) - at least not in the books I'm currently using. Also, the social feel of several of these classes is altered, with the higher level students resenting the lower level students, and the lower level students feeling intimidated. 

I honestly don't know what to do, but I'm feeling pretty frustrated. I feel like I wasn't really consulted about how the students were re-arranged - if I had been, I would not have opposed the newly diverse groups, but I would have definitely insisted on a changed curriculum - a move away from TOEFL and toward something like my old debate curriculum, perhaps. I suppose I'm going to have to do that, anyway, but with the students having all been provided with the existing curriculum's TOEFL books, there will be parental resentment if those books don't get used. I'm going to have to get creative in how I use those books. I'm having trouble thinking of ideas, at the moment.

So. Life will go on.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Random Poem #51

the trees hang, depressed.
traffic zooms through summer's heat
and humidity.

Caveat: 나를 칭찬하는 자는 나의 원수

I learned this aphorism from my book of aphorisms.

나를 칭찬하는 자는 나의 원수
na.reul ching.chan.ha.neun ja.neun na.ui won.su
I-OBJ praise-PRESPART person-TOPIC I-GEN enemy
A person who praises me [is] my enemy.

Beware of those who offer praise. This is a fairly universal sentiment for aphorisms. I had some difficulty with the word 자(者) because several dictionaries I checked didn't make clear the meaning "person." This single polysemous syllable has half a dozen unrelated meanings (derived from different Chinese borrowings). Once I found a dictionary that included this meaning, I remembered running across it before - I guess it's kind of an archaic term, but pops up in aphorisms and fossilized phrases a lot.

"Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets." - Luke 6:26

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Random Poem #50

The two men fought in the wood.
Winter's breath made clouds. They stood
facing. The fight was no good.

A rose appeared in the snow.
Then another drop fell, slow -
from the wound his blood did flow.

He threw his knife to the ground
and wobbled, spinning around.
At last, he fell without a sound.

- three englyn milwr, telling a little story.

Caveat: While there is still time

The Mower

The mower stalled, twice; kneeling, I found
A hedgehog jammed up against the blades,
Killed. It had been in the long grass.

I had seen it before, and even fed it, once.
Now I had mauled its unobtrusive world
Unmendably. Burial was no help:

Next morning I got up and it did not.
The first day after a death, the new absence
Is always the same; we should be careful

Of each other, we should be kind
While there is still time.

- Philip Larkin (British poet, 1922-1985)

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Random Poem #49

On this map you see my dreams:
look here at the X, it seems
to mark my mind's random streams.

- an englyn milwr, i.e. "soldier's englyn."

[daily log: walking, 1km]

Caveat: Random Poem #48

The monsoon brought clouds
and rain. I ate some oatmeal
from my small glass bowl.

Caveat: Just Pictures

My student who goes by Sandy, in 2nd grade elementary, dislikes speaking English. She's a pleasant and well-focused student, but she seems to suffer a kind of panic attack whenever I ask her to speak directly. Sometimes she cries, or hides under her desk. So I have taken to kind of asking her permission to ask her something. I don't want to stress her out - I want her to see learning English as a positive experience.

We are doing a roleplay based on the Jack and the Beanstalk story. We were playing a kind of game yesterday, and Sandy, between participating (sort of) in the game, used her "Hello Kitty" stationery to convey to me, without words, her own interpretation of substantial parts of the story. I thought it was quite interesting, as it gave me some insight into her intelligence despite her shyness about participating.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: Random Poem #47

The animals were gathered to discuss
a plan to make the monkey their new king.
The simian was giving them a grin -
in fact, he felt an utter disregard.

Caveat: 17776

I ran across a very weird bit of avant-garde science fiction that has been created on a sports news website (SBNation), of all places. This seems unexpected. Anyway, it's a very strange thing - it's not a straightforward sci-fi story, but rather a kind of multimedia "text" in the postmodern sense. Nevertheless, it has a narrative, and the genre is definitely sci-fi.

If you don't like unexpected animations and fiddling with your mouse to make things happen, I don't recommend it, but if you don't mind those things, give it a try: link.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Random Poem #46

There's going down. There's going up. Which way
you choose to go depends on your desire.
Desire can lead, but those descents can stray:
long corridors with many doors require
decisions once again. It's better, then,
to walk the upward path. The clouds can serve
as steppingstones, and rainbows tell you when
to turn, and when to jump, and even swerve.
Well, all of this might seem fantastic news,
but there's a problem still. You don't yet know
where you might need to stop, and catch the views -
that mountain for example, with glaring snow:
it needs attention from the angels who
you hope might tell you plainly what is true.

- structurally, it's a sonnet (of some kind - Elizabethan?), but I don't think it's very sonnet-like, thematically, and there's too much enjambment.

Caveat: 발이 넓다

I learned this idiom from my coworker yesterday.

발이 넓다
bal.i neolp.da
foot-SUBJ wide
[Someone/he/she/you] has a wide foot.

The online daum dictionary pointed me to this page which said the meaning was "아는 사람이 많다" - "knows a lot of people." In my conversation with my coworker, the meaning was tied in with the idea of a broad social network. She was trying to explain that another coworker was good at networking - not in any modern high-tech sense but just that she had a really wide field of acquaintances.

I guess in many ways I'm the opposite. I'm really bad at maintaining my social network. The field ends up pretty narrow.

[daily log: walking, 7km]