He aquí los pensamientos aleatorios de un epistemólogo andante.
I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
피할수 없는 고통이라면 차라리 즐겨라
As of June, 2013, I have assumed a new identity: I am a cancer survivor. "Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose."
"A blog, in the end, is really not so different from an inscription on a bone: I was here, it declares to no one in particular. Don't forget that." - Justin E. H. Smith
재미없으면 보상해드립니다!
"All things are enchained with one another, bound together by love." - Nietzsche (really!)
Leviticus 19:33-34
Donc, si Dieu existait, il n’y aurait pour lui qu’un seul moyen de servir la liberté humaine, ce serait de cesser d’exister. - Mikhail Bakunin
Solvitur ambulando.
"Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to soliloquize. Where was I?" - the villain Heinz Doofenshmirtz, in the cartoon Phineas and Ferb.
My name is Jared Way. I was born in rural Far Northern California, and became an "adoptive" Minnesotan. I have lived in many other places: Mexico City, Philadelphia, Valdivia (Chile), Los Angeles. And for 11 years, I was an expatriate living in South Korea. In the summer of 2018, I made another huge change, and relocated to Southeast Alaska, which is my uncle's home.
For many years I was a database programmer, with a background in Linguistics and Spanish Literature. In Korea, worked as an EFL teacher.
In June, 2013, while I was in Ilsan in South Korea, I was diagnosed with cancer, and underwent successful treatment. That changed my life pretty radically.
Currently, you could say I'm "between jobs," somewhat caretaking my uncle (to the extent he tolerates that) and getting adapted to life in rural Alaska after so many years as an urban dweller.
I started this blog before I even had the idea of going to Korea (first entry: Caveat: And lo...). So this is not meant to be a blog about Korea, by any stretch of the imagination. But life in Korea, and Korean language and culture, inevitably have come to play a central role in this blog's current incarnation.
Basically, this blog is a newsletter for the voices in my head. It keeps everyone on the same page: it has become a sort of aide-mémoire.
For a more detailed reflection on why I'm blogging, you can look at this old post: What this blog is, and isn't.
If you're curious about me, there is a great deal of me here. I believe in what I call "opaque transparency" - you can learn almost everything about me if you want, but it's not immediately easy to find.
A distillation of my personal philosophy (at least on good days):
I have made the realization that happiness is not a mental state. It is not something that is given to you, or that you find, or that you can lose, or that can be taken from you. Happiness is something that you do. And like most things that you do, it is volitional. You can choose to do happiness, or not. You have complete freedom with respect to the matter.
"Ethical joy is the correlate of speculative affirmation." - Gilles Deleuze (writing about Spinoza).
Like most people, I spend a lot of time online, although I try to limit it somewhat. Here is a somewhat-annotated list of the "places" where I spend
time online.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Knowledge and News
I spend about half of all my time online reading Wikipedia. It's why I know stuff.
I get most of my world news from Minnesota Public Radio which includes NPR, BBC and CBC, depending on when I listen.
I don't really "do" social media. I have a membership at Facebookland but I never log in
there. I don't like it.
I have a membership at The Youtubes but I mostly use it for work. I also listen to music on youtube, frequently - I prefer it to typical streaming services, for example.
Humor and Cat Videos
Cat videos and other internet novelties: Laughing Squid.
Geofiction - this has evolved into a significant "hobby" for me. I like to draw imaginary maps, and there is a website that has enabled this vice.
I worked as a volunteer administrator for the site OpenGeofiction on and off for a few years. I created (but no longer maintain) the site's main wiki page: OGF Wiki. I am not currently working as administrator but I remain active on the site.
The above work has required my becoming an expert in the Openstreetmap system. Openstreetmap is an attempt do for online maps what wikipedia has done for encyclopedias. I have considered becoming an openstreetmap contributor, but I feel that my current location in Korea hinders that, since I don't have a good grasp Korean cartographic naming conventions.
Starting in April, 2018, I decided somewhat capriciously to build my own "OGF stack" on my own server. This was not because I intended to abandon the OGF site, but rather because I wanted to better understand the whole architecture and all its parts. I built a wiki on the Mediawiki platform (the same as wikipedia). This wiki has no content. I built a map tileserver and geospatial database, which contains a very low resolution upload of an imaginary planet called Rahet. And I built a wordpress blog, which is a separate, low-frequency blog intended to focus on my geofictional pursuits rather than this more personalized, general purpose blog. All of these things can be found integrated together on my rent-a-server, here: geofictician.net
TEFL - my "profession," such as it is.
Online English Grammar reference Grammarist. Useful for settling disputes over grammar.
I had a student who expressed an interest in English-language poetry, after it came up in some TOEFL-style listening passage we were working on. This is so rare as to be almost sui generis.
I said, "You really read English poetry?"
"Sometimes," she said. This was just barely plausible - she attended an international school when her family lived in China, for a while. "So I had to read it."
"OK. Did you like it?"
"Sometimes. I had to make a poem."
I showed a lot of enthusiasm for this. She asked, "Do you want me to write a poem?"
"Sure," I said. "That would be great."
"I will write it on the whiteboard," she announced. This is what she wrote.
The moral of this story: when a seventh-grader offers to write a poem for you, use caution.
Aeromexico's new advertising campaign mocks the new Space Emperor's wall. There is some pretty complex messaging going on.
The final line could be the voice of the typical, hard-working, entirely law-abiding (except for immigration law) Mexican in the US, "al otro lado" for his or her almost culturally obligatory decade of remittances and wealth-building.
Haces muy mal en elevar mi tensión En aplastar mi ambición tú sigue así ya veras Miro el reloj es mucho mas tarde que ayer Te esperaría otra vez y no lo haré, no lo haré
¿Dónde esta nuestro error sin solución? ¿fuiste tú el culpable o lo fui yo? Ni tú ni nadie nadie puede cambiarme Mil campanas suenan en mi corazón que difícil es pedir perdón Ni tú nadie nadie puede cambiarme
Vete de aquí no me supiste entender Yo solo pienso en tu bien No es necesario mentir Que fácil es atormentarse después Pero sobreviviré, sé que podré, sobreviviré
¿Dónde esta nuestro error sin solución? ¿fuiste tú el culpable o lo fui yo? Ni tú ni nadie nadie puede cambiarme Mil campanas suenan en mi corazón que difícil es pedir perdón Ni tú nadie nadie puede cambiarme
¿Dónde esta nuestro error sin solución? ¿fuiste tú el culpable o lo fui yo? Ni tú ni nadie nadie puede cambiarme Mil campanas suenan en mi corazón que difícil es pedir perdón Ni tú nadie nadie puede cambiarme no no ya no Ni tú ni nadie nadie puede cambiarme no
Today is Lunar New Year (설날). Are you ready for chickens?
I'm doing laundry.
새해 복많이 받으세요.
What I'm listening to right now.
Spoon, "Hot Thoughts."
Lyrics.
Hot thoughts melting my mind Could be your accent mixing with mine You got me uptight, twisting inside Hot thoughts all in my mind and all of the time, babe
Hot thoughts all in my mind and all of the time, yeah Hot thoughts all in, all in my mind and all of the time
Your teeth shining so white Light up this sad street in Shibuya tonight Hot thoughts melting my cool Is it your motion, signal and cue? Hot thoughts all in my mind and all of the time You must be trouble for sure
Hot thoughts all in my mind and all of the time, yeah I'll tell it to your soul, I want you to know Hot thoughts all in, all in my mind all of the time
Took time off from my kingdom Took a break from the war Took time off from my kingdom Raise up my creatures Diamonds from space Pure facets and features
That drag drug from your lips Making you think how good it was to let baby kiss on the lows Hot thoughts melting your cool could be the (It's all on my mind and all of the time) Motion, the signal and cue You've got
Hot thoughts all in your mind all of the time I'll hold it to my rhyme Make if you mind, yeah You know, I think I, I think all your love is a lie
La verdad quiere cetro. El verso mío Puede, cual paje amable, ir por lujosas Salas, de aroma vario y luces ricas, Temblando enamorado en el cortejo De una ilustre princesa o gratas nieves Repartiendo a las damas. De espadines Sabe mi verso, y de jubón violeta Y toca rubia, y calza acuchillada. Sabe de vinos tibios y de amores Mi verso montaraz; pero el silencio Del verdadero amor, y la espesura De la selva prolífica prefiere: ¡Cuál gusta del canario, cuál del águila!
The forecast says snow. So far, it's not, though. Heavily overcast, 0° C. That's definitely snowtential.
What I'm listening to right now.
Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, "How Long Do I Have To Wait."
Lyrics.
How long do I have to wait for you, honey? Before a girl like me can move on Ooh baby, tell me How long do I have to wait for you honey? Before I can say that you're gone
Every hour seems like a day And every day is like a year And every week is an eternity Well, I get lonely, baby, when you're not here
Ooh baby, tell me How long do I have to wait for you, honey? Before a girl like me can move on Ooh baby, tell me How long do I have to wait for you, honey? Before I can say that you're gone
Won't you let me know, yeah I'm in an awful state, baby You said you loved me so But I just don't know how long I can wait How long do I have to wait for you, honey? Before I can say that you're gone
I asked your mama, I asked your papa Your friends, your preacher and your boss No one knows where you're going to, baby Or if you're coming back to me
Or we're together or are we lost
Ooh baby, tell me How long do I have to wait for you, honey? Before a girl like me can move on Ooh baby, tell me How long do I have to wait for you, honey? Before I can say that you're gone
Won't you let me know, yeah I'm in an awful state, baby You said you loved me so But I just don't know how long I can wait
Oh, oh baby, tell me How long do I have to wait for you, honey? Before a girl like me can move on Baby, how long do I have to wait for you, honey? Before I can say that you're gone, ah
How long do I have to wait for you, honey? Before a girl like me can move on Baby, how long do I have to wait for you, honey? Before I can say that you're gone, yeah How long, baby tell me, how long
It's a few days until the Korean Lunar New Year holiday. I'm feeling kind of burned out with work, at the moment. So the days off will be nice. I have no plans, and that's the way I like it.
I also have nothing to say, right now. More later.
I have long felt that the most dynamic, creative, and relevant poetry being written in English in this contemporary era is in the hiphop and rap music genres. And certainly, if a lyricist like Bob Dylan can win the Nobel Literature Prize, then we should see no impediment to recognizing that this work is poetry. Although these songs are deeply profane, often violent, and sometimes disturbing, some of them are also great poetry.
What I'm listening to right now (with the additional caveat: NSFW).
Run The Jewels, "Talk To Me."
Lyrics (NSFW).
We return from the depths of the badland With a gun and a knife in our waistband Went to war with the Devil and Shaytan He wore a bad toupee and a spray tan So high now, hoping that I land On a Thai stick, moving through Thailand On the radio, heard a plane hijack Government be in debt while they cook crack I move in a world of conspiracies Obey no rules, I'm doing me Smoke kush, transport to the airport Customs found a joint in my passport Pull cash and I gave him what he asked for Goddammit, it's a motherfucking miracle Small bribe, made it back into America Hit Uber and maneuvered out the area Rhyme animal, pitbull terrier Rap terrorist, terrorize, tear it up Brought gas and the matches to flare it up Militant Michael might go psycho On any ally or rival Born Black, that's dead on arrival My job is to fight for survival In spite of these AllLivesMatter-ass white folk
This is spiritual warfare that you have been dealing with. This is not a fight that you have been dealing with flesh and blood But this is a fight against principalities and evil doers and unclean spirits (RTJ3 motherfuckers)
Brave men didn't die face down in the Vietnam muck so I could not style on you I didn't walk uphill both ways to the booth and back to not wild on you You think baby Jesus killed Hitler just so I'd whisper? When you're safe and sound and these crooks tap your phone and now have a file on you? What, me worry? Nah, buddy, I've lost before, so what? You don't get it, I'm dirt, motherfucker, I can't be crushed Fuckers, open the books up and stop bullshitting the kid My dick got a Michelin star, I'm on par with the best ever took the gig I'm a super cat, from don dada to dusk, don't bother to touch I got firm clutch on the grip and the bucks I might ghost ride a tank, take a ride to the bank I'm the son of Rick Rubin rushing full-thrust Don't flash weak shit to the Shark Tank judge Talk real good 'cause I'm smart and stuff We a good crew to fuck with, better to love
I told y'all suckers, I told y'all suckers. I told y'all on RTJ1, then I told ya again on RTJ2, and you still ain't believe me. So here we go, RTJ3
Last night, the temperatures in Northwest Gyeonggi province were forecast to drop to -15 C. The government sent out some kind of mass safety notice that showed up as a message on my phone. It said,
I wasn't sure what it was, so I did what I normally do when I get texts on my phone in Korean that look important but where I don't quite understand them - I popped the text of it into google translate.
Google translate was not up to the task. Here's what it told me,
[National Security Agency] Safety instructions. Today 23:00 Gyeonggi Gyeonggi North Korea alert, the elderly people go out of control health care, prevention of frost, fire prevention, etc. Please note.
This looks really alarming - the mention of "North Korea," for example. The phrase "prevention of frost," however, clued me in to the fact that it was probably just a safety warning about the cold. So I made the effort to more laboriously translate a few of the individual words. The part about North Korea actually is referring to the northern part of Gyeonggi Province, where I live, and the part about "elderly people go out of control" actually is just advising the elderly to exercise special caution. Just a typical government advisory.
The image of a bitterly cold night-time invasion of out-of-control old people from North Korea will stick with me, however. It might make a good premise for a B-grade Korean horror movie.
I suppose it must be a translation of a typical Korean way of phrasing things: my students almost universally will offer "for some reasons" when preparing to give a list of more than one reason for something. It makes sense, but it sounds unidiomatic in English. Being around it so much, however, it has become part of my idiolect, like some other Koreanisms, like starting a sentence with "By the way..." or "And then..." when those phrases aren't quite pragmatically appropriate.
By the way, I had a very hard week, this past week, for some reasons.
First, there was a lot to be done at work. Because I had to prepare more detailed versions of my syllabuses for my Elementary classes. Also, we had a business dinner. Also, Friday morning, I got some weird upset stomach thing, so I'm wondering if it was a mild food poisoning or something, since it passed fairly quickly, and it was unpleasant while it lasted.
And then, the week is finally over.
Nowadays, I am recovering from it.
It was lightly snowing this morning, but it doesn't show in this picture among the Hugok redwoods (deciduous "dawn redwoods," metasequoia).
Yesterday was a super exhausting day: 6 classes, straight through, followed by a 회식 (an after-work, semi-regular, semi-obligatory dining-and-drinking event). I only got home at around 1 am. I survived, but I'm feeling massively burned out at the moment. So... nothing to post today.
The scene: my afternoon "phonics" class with 1st and 2nd grade elementary students. This is very beginning English. I've been working on teaching them how to respond to the question, "How do you spell it?" Most of the words are of the "C-A-T" variety. I decided to try a much harder word.
I held up the flashcard showing a chicken to an obstreperous boy who goes by Jake.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Chicken," he said. Koreans know this, because Koreans have adopted the English word "chicken" (치킨), which they use mostly to refer to chicken prepared for eating (cf pork vs pig, in English), but they also know it refers to the animal.
"How do you spell it?" I asked. I expected him to be stumped.
Instead, without pause, Jake spelled, "J-A-R-E-D."
I really wasn't expecting that. I guess at some point, in a previous class, I'd taught them to spell my name (an important thing, maybe, knowing how to write your teacher's name, right?). And he decided rather than admit not knowing how to spell chicken, he'd fall back on something he knew.
It was pretty funny. I think only after he'd said it, did he realize he was equating me to a chicken. I pointed at the flashcard, and at myself: "Same, right?"
Urban planning has always fascinated me. I think if I'd felt more confident and more motivated during my college years, I'd have pursued that as a career.
Perhaps it can be attributed to my somewhat countercultural background, but I have always harbored a great deal of skepticism about what might be termed the US's "typical suburban development model." Recently I ran across a rather stunning indictment of this development model, concluding that not only does it produce fragmented and/or insular communities and excessive energy consumption, but it also is, in strictly financial terms, something like a publicly-sponsored pyramid scheme and utterly unsustainable.
Hermano, tú que tienes la luz, dime la mía. Soy como un ciego. Voy sin rumbo y ando a tientas. Voy bajo tempestades y tormentas ciego de ensueño y loco de armonía. Ese es mi mal. Soñar. La poesía es la camisa férrea de mil puntas cruentas que llevo sobre el alma. Las espinas sangrientas dejan caer las gotas de mi melancolía. Y así voy, ciego y loco, por este mundo amargo; a veces me parece que el camino es muy largo, y a veces que es muy corto... Y en este titubeo de aliento y agonía, cargo lleno de penas lo que apenas soporto. ¿No oyes caer las gotas de mi melancolía?
I was assigning some homework to my student, Michelle, who is starting 7th grade. With typical early teenage hyperbole and a kind of breathless enthusiasm, she snapped, "I hate you." But then, in the same breath, she added, in Korean, "근데 잘하시네." [keunde, jalhasine]. This means, more or less, "But you're doing well," or "But you're doing a good job." And she smiled to herself, as she wrote down the assignment.
In fact, this shows an interesting contrast in the student's mind. On the one hand, she hates me for giving homework. On the other hand, she seems to be acknowledging that that's my job - to give homework. I actually felt like a very successful teacher in that moment, and I took the whole paired phrase, English plus Korean, as a kind of complement to and summary of my efforts.
Michelle is one of several students who are always trying to get me to play music videos in class. They point out to me various English language pop music videos, which I keep bookmarked for "reward times" (e.g. see below).
Today is one of those frigid days when I'm reminded of Minnesota. It was only -10 C (14 F), this morning as I walked to work, which is pretty minor by Minnesota standards, but with a brisk breeze, it starts to induce that crisp, snot-freezing vigor.
What I'm listening to right now.
Katy Perry, "Roar." I like the song and its empowering message, though it's a bit simplistic. The video is silly garbage, however.
Lyrics.
I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath Scared to rock the boat and make a mess So I sit quietly, agree politely I guess that I forgot I had a choice I let you push me past the breaking point I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
[Pre-Chorus:] You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) Already brushing off the dust You hear my voice, you hear that sound Like thunder gonna shake the ground You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) Get ready 'cause I've had enough I see it all, I see it now
[Chorus:] I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar Louder, louder than a lion 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh You're gonna hear me roar
Now I'm floating like a butterfly Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes I went from zero, to my own hero
[Pre-Chorus:] You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) Already brushing off the dust You hear my voice, you hear that sound Like thunder gonna shake the ground You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) Get ready 'cause I've had enough I see it all, I see it now
[Chorus:] I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar Louder, louder than a lion 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (You're gonna hear me roar) Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (You'll hear me roar) Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh You're gonna hear me roar...
Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar Louder, louder than a lion 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (You're gonna hear me roar) Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (You'll hear me roar) Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh You're gonna hear me roar...
I wrote this exactly one year ago, as a possible blog entry. I never published it in my blog. I'm not sure why - it feels kind of important. I guess I didn't feel it was "finished" and subsequently forgot about it. Now that I'm scraping the bottom of my barrel-o'-blog-ideas, I'll go ahead and throw it down here.
Walking home last night [i.e. January 12, 2016], I was thinking about pain and my old, neglected aphorism, "Live each day as if you would live forever." That aphorism worked for me at a time when the only limit to my youthful immortality was my own undying death wish. Essentially, it served as a way to subvert that death wish. But now that there are more threats to my survival coming from outside my mind (i.e. mostly coming from my own treacherous, aging body), I find it hard to maintain the suspension of disbelief necessary to live by that aphorism. Thinking about pain, my thought has always been: if I knew, confidently, that I was immortal, I should think I would find any pain bearable, over the long run. The reason pain is unbearable is because it is a kind of ur-premonition of our mortality. This idea is related to why I always found descriptions of the traditional Christian hell unpersuasive - I always thought, well, if you're there, suffering for an eternity, wouldn't you gradually get used to it? Eventually, after the first few thousand years at the worst, you might even grow to need it - it'd be part of the routine. At worst, you'd develop a kind of asceticism toward it, a kind of zen-like "let it pass through me." To be honest, I would find the idea of actual, permanent death for sinners and eternal life for the saved much more compelling. This is known as the doctrine of conditional mortality - currently held by Seventh Day Adventists, Jehovah's Witnesses and other such peripheral Christian groups.
I was experiencing a great deal of pain last January, related to the necrosis and tooth problem which reached a kind of resolution yesterday, as the doctor pronounced my "tooth extraction point" more-or-less healed, despite the necrosis in the jaw. So this seems a very appropriate point to revisit that pain, at its nadir.
